His job demands for him to work out of town in short periods of time and we can never finish or come to an agreement about much. I know i have hurt him so many times when i didnt choose him and he walked away . The answer is: betrayal. Hes back in my life and I dont know if I could let him back in my heart , or do I do what he did to me? help. how to love innocently? Post break up- mom and son value the ex and your the bad one for not understanding. I drove her to all her appointments, paid for her lawyers, took her to and from work. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. But THANK YOU for understanding I know now that this problem that Im unable to correct yet is Real. Who knew that within a few years we would be turning 60 and we would be in such a bad space with no strong & warm bond guiding & carrying us through difficulties which we may face as our golden years filter through our veins? THEN you can permit yourself to enjoy the excitement of falling in love. I felt anger. i forgave him even though there were about four more episodes of blacking out in which he called names and used some deep secrets I had told him against me. He at first hid it for me for month and friends of our all knew about it and no one told me. If he had to go help his parents because their basement flooded instead of coming to see me in New York while I was there for work, I got angry and felt slighted. cos your heart is telling you is worth it . He said I had to work on me, and to not focus on him. I can tell she has changed. He has taken off and emptied our bank account and left without word or a call that he is alive and ok for days. It wasnt until recently, after my last attempt to make (and change her to suit my needs) her realize these things, and assuring her that I wanted to work on our marriage, that she told me that she didnt know if it was worth it. Its almost as if Good and Bad is unclear in your mind and everything first looked good when it wasnt and now everything looks all bad when it may not be. After talking with her and picking away to try to understand what is bothering her she has told me that she does not love me intimately anymore but she loves me as the son of our Father. Next, it makes me wonder about what is it in you that picks two insecure women? All I say I love her. And i used to treat him like a king. I Just wish he had been honest about everything. When you write down how it truly was, the process will liberate you to move on. But it dont know what to do. and this girl i love, shes lost trust in me. Now he doesnt want to restore our relationship & Im crushed because it feels like now that Ive put forth the effort to not only change myself but to change the downward spiral of my relationship, its too late. I turned & walked back into his office & simply continued to calculate the amount of money & time hed spent calling her each day. Well, the weight came off and she looks and feels fantastic! Do you think my husband is really in love with his co worker like he says meaning theres just no chance of our marriage ever getting better and us not getting divorced. He will say he loves me and that my life is so normal and this is healthy but his friends tell me that he finds reasons to leave as I am not needy enough for him and that I may be almost a threat to him because it is easier to save this manipulative woman as she will kick him to the curb until her next drama. He also admitted to me that we wants to have sex with other women but he still wants me as well. Im not really feeling like. She began borrowing money from me almost weekly for work expenses. Yet, of course, there is an equal fear of being alone, so the couple sets up rules just like the one you and your hubby seem to have: dont leave, but dont be too close either. We had great chemistry. He knows flat out if he ever cheats I will leave. I feel like I need to point out that I am only 21 and he is 22. Trust is easy to break, but difficult to build back up. Old whats wrong. There is the dawning awareness that your spouse is growing. they have hurt me in the oast and i oulled away from two member of his family until i jus eventually jus cut off all of them. I will admit she is much more Cultured and obtains a greater intelligence than I posess. Its just getting worse I know something needs to change I just dont know what the right decision isIm afraid if I leave for good Ill be making a mistake and feel guilty for not keeping our family togetherjust very confused. Hello!! Thats why I went there. This will NOT go away, so your boyfriend needs short-term but very intense therapy directed to correcting this BEFORE you can forgive him. How does one fall in love again? He has walked away from all of them. I gave him the space I knew he needed. she said shes convinced herself that we werent going to be together an moved on. Thats your first step to rekindle your relationship (if at all you are sincere). I felt I could trust her enough to give her the chance to show me if this was going to be different. IDK What to do can someone help me with what I should do? She ended up just blocking my number and refuses to speak to me at this point. Do you think he could possible be cheating? instead of getting angry. Cheating involves a lot of hurtful secrecy, so you'll know he wants to make things work with you if he's suddenly more open, honest, and genuine than ever before . I suffer from PTSD due to my ex-husband stabbing me as well as cheating and other forms of mental abuse. I just cant trust him fully I always feel hell do something to me again. I dont want to keep hurting him. But about a week after that, we sat down and talked and it was the best conversation weve had in a long time. You are saying that he is home and wont let you come? We had all the qualities of a functioning relationship. She also hasnt asked for a divorce and I dont want one either. Its time to rebuild my relationship with him, the right way, except Im pretty overwhelmed and dont know where to start. I have tried already. This is why she sees you as stuck in a cage. He has admitted that he does indeed still love me but in my gut I know that it is his parents and some other family members who have probably forbid him to ever see or talk to me ever again. My wife and I have been together for 17 years total, married for the last 8. You are very unusual in that you get it. Im doing this because I dont live like this anymore. Hi Shay, to move forward. I was distraught and when confronted, they both lied, until eventually i got the truth, which was that he had been sleeping with us both for around 3 weeks. Idk how to get her to do that? Hi Jack, Im special to her, but she seems too hurt. I do not feel appreciated and basically he feels entitled to this because he is the sole provider.Intimacy has become a chore for me as my desire has not been for him for a long time. He has physically, verbally, and emotionally abused me. nobody. this is not my friend, the person I fell in love with who was my biggest support, best friend and life partner. You can't do that this. What you did for 12 years abuse your wife verbally and emotionally it is good that you are now honest about it but the most important thing you can do for yourself, her, and your children is get therapy to make the changes you need. What can I do to convince her to take a chance with me? I love him with all my heart and getting married was all I have ever wanted from him but I had a strong gut feeling that I wasnt who he truly loved. They finished but him & his wife and woman he was seeing and her husband became friends after meeting at works do. My husband was equally shocked as he thought that he was telling me about the calls he made to her. Counselling and even medication might be excellent choices. That is all to YOUR credit. So i hit him up. Even before all this my anger was the main issue. I dont think you blew things out of proportion. But till now I think does she want to be friends because we have a shared loan to pay off Im just confused cause what I did I just dont understand of what I did why would she want be friends after what I had did. That pain started with their childhoods. I loved him so much I forgave him the next day thinking great were talking again atleast. And i really do miss him so much with all my heart and soul. I dont even know if he still in jail if he is maybe getting the help I have no idea. We had no responsibility, no bills.nothing but each other. I am 4 months pregnant. And the only way I know of to change them is trauma-based therapy such as I practice. How do I fix me? He than confessed to have very strong feelings for the band singer. If you truly love him amd want to keep your relationship, so you must act quickly! I know he still would like to spend the rest of his life with me. That is understandable. A few hours later we left the workshop & came home. Our dark past has affected us both and I wish there was a way we could both get pass this hurdle and rebuild our trust for each other. I dont know how to carry on without him in my life. He kept saying that I have finally pushed him over the edge so talked to another woman to protect him. My son has said who is this man, this is not my father. He is being patient with me as I battle these emotions that he has created. The act of letting go is simply the act of moving forward without the person you loved. I found out one person i had sex with, he knew. If the person youre married to is not able to be intimate, its time for counseling, IMO. she was a lovely lady who helped and loved me too, i wanted to help. Leaving everything & everyone I once loved & heading off into the unknown with nothing more than the clothes I have on my back. Can i save this? I get so irritated myself that she wont tell me why she is irritated that I just keep asking get until she screams at me to leave her alone. i have exams coming up.i cant focus also . I hope you would recollect my situation about my ex using ($$) me to her advantage and i have told you how she talked to me irresponsibly?. She arrived a couple of hours later with her 2 teenage kids. After the breakup or the loss of a loved one, you will feel powerlessbut that's okay. I hate mind games, bloody hell why?! And i really do love him so much. What should I do? At times I really feel like deep down he still loves me and I want to fight to save our family and at times I feel like letting him go. She askes how I can make everything uo and what will I do to have her forgive me. For me its these small things that warm my heart. And, I have a son and he was 5 when my ex & I started dating. When it came to promotion time he went to the I love u and miss u stage. I dont know what to do anymore. This was entirely my fault. She hadnt yet told her kids we were dating and not yet introduced me to family. If you go do something I dont suggest, I understand. On the other hand, maybe there is really something wrong with the relationship and you just cant put your finger on it. See, if you decide what you want to do with a relationship based on a feeling of being in love, then you are in for trouble. Ive been telling him its over, treating him badly. Depression and anxiety has deformed him to a stranger. I have told him that I have in a way felt the same as it seems the only time he wants to touch me is when he wants sex so I have turned myself off in a way. Can I say something here? Its important to schedule in some fun time. I daily promise him to meet n so we cudnt . I love him and miss him dearly but to be used and manipulated forced me to do this. Meanwhile, one day a few months ago (I think while at therapy) she ran into a friend she hadnt seen since before we married. I dont know why I didnt just back off in that original argument, I guess I felt I should be accepted for who I am, that my presence with her at the wedding was what she should deem most important. Hi Erin. It has to be about you, not him/her, this time around. She is used to just keeping things inside, and I think she is finally full and its starting to seep out of the cracks. Am I crazy for trying so hard? DrDeb, I am 36 and my fiance is 29 we have 2 children together. What do I do? He claims hes a changed man and that he will do anything to prove to me that he really loves me. My problems is that we grew apart, hardly had any sex, didnt talk about things more than day to day stuff and were more like room mates in the past 3 years. Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. He was extremely inexperienced, and kept things from me for awhile about him doing things with other girls (one was returning with hickeys after the night he was supposed to break up with the other girl he was dating because we had decided to be monogamous. We talk about getting married in the future and we both know that we want to be long time life partners. We laughed and danced and celebrated with friends. I really do love her and Ive owned up and apologized. This is also his first time alone, with no one to lay a shoulder on or talk to everyday, yes he has me to talk to but he says its not the same because once we hang up the phone hes alone again. You cannot make him do it. My husband asked where his wheel trim was & Peter said its broken; got it out the trunk & showed my husband. Until this incident. She is a citizen of another country but has a permanent visa here so there is a lot at play. However, whenever we had these discussions, she always mentioned how she had the same plans with her ex and how things turned out. But I speak in my email using terms like my partner, I dont say her etc., I basically say that I want a partner that I could have told her what the issue was and we come to an agreement that works for both of us. Pulling back or "un-loving" isn't a good strategy and I question if it's even possible while continuing the relationship. Depression I put her threw. He promised to quit, did, then started again. He became heartless in my eyes and didnt think about my feelings or anything I feel disrespected and stupid. You might be depressed too. Says for me to go back to those people I now call a family (my car club) he feels like my decision was about my club and the other issues were just excuses . I bought uniforms fire her job and slipped the note in between. That is exactly what happens when youre not THERE. And I asked him does he know her he said no . But when Nash discovers Lina's secret these friends become furious enemies - though the sparks flying between them don't know the difference between love and hate. The anxiety has brought so much stuff up that bother me (things that didnt bother me or wouldnt bother anyone but the anxiety and depression and adhd are making me irretated all the time) Any advice? Im starting to get a lot of feelings for him and he told me to get rid of my feelings because he doesnt know what to do since she hurt him. I do work by Skype, myself. 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